Hardly staple this diet.

I remember reporting Shilpa's first baby to this diary of mine not too long ago. Well she just had her second a couple of days back. Its been so long since I sat here in this chair and blew some music on the speakers to feel good. Things havent been too mind blowing lately. From when I posted last, few good things happened as well but mostly downward. Now its only a matter of time(i hope) when i get out of here. I need something considerable to move to. It is crazily tough to exist here. Leave alone do something creative. Funny being at home I cant find my way home.

Hitting the note

Head On. Again and Again. That is what life is coming to. Unfortunately its the same note. The same decisions which it all boils down to, the same mode that the fingers choose to go to, the same indecisive state of mind that takes over every time and the same shore it choose to come out on every time. Safety. Only in this case safety is reducing me to depression. Not that I have seen many wonders in life that im finding my current days odd, but its just that somewhere inside i know that these are the days to be learning infinitely and im falling short on that. I dont know how it is supposed to be. I thought working with my father would be a safe call to gain enough exposure and learn the ideas of the trade but it turns out he has nothing to give. Safe. Thats where I fail myself. Its always safe. No chances. I think that is why i have had hard luck with the female kind. But then again, how much time have i spent with the female kind? Hardly any. Anyhow, that is besides the point. Where to go is what the killing joke is here. It is funny because the avenues are limitless. But probably none of them are practically liquid. I know this is also because of some good days seen in the past and some bigger dreams that have been envisioned. I also know that this is a bridge to the source which will end sometime. Only dont know when it will do so and i will come out and find that it is the right side with my loved one at my side and enough satisfaction to put my brain into overdrive and my cravings and desires to some extent of fulfillment and then in the distance - a new bridge in sight to face new shatters and challenges and excitements and everything else that comes along with it. I shall walk alone.

Questions

Why does the heart of a son less mom bleed red just like fireworks
goin up on the other end of the town in celebration?

She tried her best to get him to health but as the glistening spectacle shines
in their eyes do they know her condition?

Who would you blame? What would you say? Where would you look? to face upto
her and the millions who cry and weep and point their fingers in your direction?

Is there any way outta here? Or is this it?

Its that time of the 6 months that i write my blog.
Boy these months went by fast. Its been fun. But the one thing i really want to feel happy about aint happening. Musical satisfaction. I know thats an ambitious term but atleast a basic level of which is the mark of every good musician. 2009 is here and im still searching. Its been pretty good till now. Got my hands full and today have even resumed practicing(after a 7 month gap). Hope all this can be carried on. MOR's on its way and things seem to be looking up otherwise as well. Even then, there is this burning desire to get out and make myself. I sometimes wonder if its the oppurtunity thats been taken away or stored away for a later time. I just hope im smart enough to realise when the time comes. The kind of stuff thats happening now is quite ideal if you ask me. The only icing lacking is the presence of the band. A creative outlet. Or something of the sort. Jingles cannot be a solace. Or a commercial album for that matter. I have realised that i need a teacher. Someone who can understand whats actually going on in here. Who can actually get me when i say i dont know how to play guitar. Who can actually clear my learning disabilities wrt something i love the most. And its not math. I probably aint looking hard enough but i guess ive reached a time when i need some EXTRA luck to find these kind of peoples and then in a flash the balls to take the step to forget it all and get down to practice and learning. Ive been waking up everyday for my finger s to go crazy and produce something absolutely crazily beautiful on th e fret board. Not a complaint lord. Just a rant. What I have is truly great though. Thank you. But its killing me this in between phase(i hope) of my pursuit of songrwriting and music creation. I also hope it never ends. What the hell. Cant live without it either. Life it is. Makes us pull our hair out sitting completely still and without moving.