My Babaji(P.D.Backerney)

Yesterday i did something which i had done nine years ago. Cremated my grandparent. Yes, babaji passed away on early saturday morning(21st April). He was sick for the last couple of weeks but thats it. We all thought he will recover and will be back in action but he evidently had other plans. Well this had to happen some day and there is only happiness we can take away from here. Hapiness because he went in peace, without a sound. Because his last few days looked like his good times, mentally. He bonded with his son finally. His son did the same to some extent. All the ceremonies have ended succesfully(i think). Im not sad that i could'nt get to see him. Thats because he was never like that. Making a fuss over small things like this was'nt his way. Im sad that i could'nt help mummy and papa out in the last days when it was needed. But maybe that was planned as well from above. Anyway, its all been so perfect(touchwood) that i dont feel the sting on the 5th day of the demise. He went so happily that it feels like he's still sitting around here somewhere and sub-conciously one waits for his voice to cut through the crowd. I can see him catching up with old friends, dadi and all the innumerable relatives he would have missed during his life after they left him. He looks happy, just like he does in this picture of his that we have put in the drawing room, just like i thought. Cant write much more now cuz the mind is flooded with emotions or lack of them, dont know which. Bye Bye Babaji, JaiRamJiKi.
Would love to come and see you somewhere where u are and share your happiness with you.

Farewell to some heavenly music. Pauline Warjri

I told her myself that words are not enough to say how much i will miss her. But i definitely will try. I remember when i first heard about her. Manroi told me that her aunt is a choir/vocal teacher or something like that. And all i thought was like -'hmmm....nice'. Then few months later i heard that she wanted me to join a choir she had started. I was so excited at the prospect of hearing some new pro music and working with other fellow musicians/singers that i never gave it another thought. It was her patience that struck me first. I at my age itself start getting fed up of kids and their childish behaviours that i quit bands pick on ego s and what not. But here she had the pick of the best young singers in the city and she was so patient with all of them and instead of scolding them or being hard on them she only became calmer. This drove the kids to respect her. And respect she deserves. The standard of music she plays, writes, and lives is nowhere close to what we could dream of achieving in this lifetime. We were in the presence of a musical legend...nothing less. She worked so hard selsfelssly just for the choirs sake so that the singers could go places and sing songs that would change their lives. I really dont know if she had a vision but from her commitment to turning us into better musicians and further...better human beings, it sure seemed like she had one. Although i would not show it but mentally i was definitely attached to this amazing person. Or more appropriately i was in awe of how selflessly can someone nurture music in others. Many came and left the choir for various reasons, But only those who hung around till the end know the value of this unbreakable bond that we share with her now. Its priceless. Even though she leaves us to move to another part of the country, Just to know that somewhere in the corner of her mind she remembers us as she enlightens many other souls with her gift, is enough to make you feel worthwile. We are nothing compared to the musicans and singers she has worked with in the past. But she treated us like the best of the best and gave us the respect which we dont think we deserved. I shall never forget these two years of my life that i spent with her. Even a little time once in a week opened my eyes in ways more than one. She definitely has affected the lives of all the choir members in a most positive way and i hope she knows that. She will be glad. God bless you Aunty Pauline. Thank you for all you did for me and all of us till today. No words will ever be enough to really explain what you mean to us. All this i just wrote now seems like crap to me. But im sure you know how we all feel. God bring you back to Bangalore soon. We love you.

The best things in life.....are free....but then it doesnt really matter.

Well. Word's are'nt enough to talk about the musical experience i had on Monday(05/02/07). I shall never forget this evening. It was a few days back when i went to pick up my bro-in-law that i passed by the Alliance Francais, New Delhi and saw this huge poster hanging there projecting in big letters-'Erik Truffaz Quartet' with a picture of a man with a trumpet. The two things in the poster that kept me interested were-trumpet and quartet. I had to go and see this because it sounded interesting. The entry was free which was even better. So me, my sister and my brother-in-law fix up that we're coming to watch this concert together. Well, come Monday the 5th, the 'together' part did not happen but all of us including two more friends ended up getting our asses to the auditorium in time. On stage was a piano, a jazz kit, and a bass amplifier along with a Fender jazz precision bass guitar standing on a guitar stand. It was getting even more interesting. The show started on time. The band came on stage. Mr. Erik Truffaz(trumpet) and band leader was an elderly man dressed in black with shoulder length hair of blonde nature. Malcom Braff, the pianist looked like a well fed yogi from Rishikesh, with his long black hair and beard. Christophe Chambet looked like the cool groovy bass player who would be in his own world, floating with his liqud gooves. Finally Marc Erbetta looked like any foreigner you would find walking on the streets of Janpath or Connaught Place with his ordinary T-shirt tucked into his jeans, BUT he was a jazz drummer. Well each one, beleive me, each one of these musicians showed that they were anything but ordinary with their two hour performance that followed. They had their own engineer which made things even better as he controlled the sound and effects to convert the show into a top notch performance which every present will remember for a long time, im sure. Erik Truffaz started off proceedings with a beautifully reverbed tone on his trumpet. Chambet added an awesome solid groove next along with the drums and Braff made merry with his impeccable jazz playing on top of all this. The kind of effects that the musicians were creating manually were unbeleivable. From Braff manually fingering the piano to mute his notes and make them sound plucked to Erbetta playing the snare with his hands or with shakers, it was all mind-blowing. The detail with which each note was carefully sorted and neatly arranged to be played was amazing. Erbetta was a monster on the drums with his super speed switched between brushes, sticks, shakers etc combined with his softness and crispness of notes and rolls. Chambet was the grooviest bass player i have heard for a long long time and he kept the groobe while innovating beautifully in-between riffs. Braff is a star, with his virtuouso jazz piano playing and the clever interludes he added to Truffaz's tunes. Of course, Erik Truffaz was brilliant as well, using many modulation effects on his trumpet to give us an infinite pallete of sounds which i never thought could be possibly played live. All in all it was a feeling thats hard to describe when i walked out of the auditorium that evening. All other music seemed very dry to me for the next week. I have been listening to bending new corners every day, several times. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx7xKVgwSpk. All i came out was with one good picture of the band which i put up here. I sure hope that i get to see them again. Infact, i hope the world gets to see these immensely talented band of ordinary human beings.

Very real....

Well from dreams i would move on to something thats so real yet so beautiful that even the most beautiful dream loses hands down. Creation. Yesterday i took a flight from Bangalore to Delhi(both in India) and sometime before we were going to land in Delhi i was awaken by the air hostess for something after which i did not get sleep. It was an early morning flight of two and a half hours out of which one had already been hibernated to. At this time i could not go back to sleep so i started staring out of the window as there was nothing else to stare at. The air hostesses were so-so, the guy sitting at the aisle was rocking some Michael Jackson on his I-pod and thrusting his neck to the beat while we ate breakfast, plus i was not in a mood to get back into my book as it is a very deep one and needs me to think crazy. The sun was out....we were flying between the first and second layer of clouds of the atmosphere. I think we had crossed Hyderabad sometime back. Then i spotted something really beautiful. It was a serpentine form of blue going through infinite patches of fields which is so characteristic of our country. Ah! it was the most beautiful river i had seen in my life. There was nothing else around it and it occaisionally visited some towns and villages which it liked. The distributaries branched out from the big mother river and took their own paths. The fact that i was watching it from such a great height at such slow motion added to its splendour. I tried to follow the river till as far as i could but could not follow it too far as it never ended. It was a grand river. It was a grand creation. It was a grand thought. Plus another awesome sight was the horizon. I wish i could see such a horizon everyday of my life. To inspire me to do something new, to discover whats on the other side. Never mind i guess ill have to take one morning flight everyday for that. Anyhow it was one of the most fascinating things i have done one my life-looking out of the window of an aeroplane and i was glad i didnt carry my music else i would not have done so. Thank you god for creating such marvels which show us mortals who we are and bring our heads down to where they should be. Wish i could fly. Like Superman. Hup Hup and AWAY!!!!

I Crave to go visit my dreams again

I've been having some really weird dreams for the past few days. They are very satisfying but on the other hand, very unsettling. I kinda like them because since i started having them i wait for sleep so that i can visit them again. Its really hard to describe these but all i know is that there is a person in these dreams who im very happy with. Though this person is a bit sad but i feel so satisfied when im with that person that its a feeling thats impossible to describe. Now here's the weird part. I know this person in real life. Not to well. Spent some time with (her) when i was younger say, in class 9th i think. But none since then. I had a liking towards her then too. But no news since then i have even forgotten how she looks. Out of the blue now 5 years later she s back....in my dreams! Its very very fishy. But i dont know why i like it. I spoke to her about this yesterday cuz i couldn't keep it. Was expecting her to be a little surprised, pissed, or whatever cuz she's little older than me. She wasn't really. She says she remembers everything about me and hopes the dreams are not nightmares. Sigh. Was nice to catch up with her. She wants to see me too. Anyway lets let this be as it is.

Warped conciousness

Last few days, weeks, months, years have been a blurred state of affairs. Seems like ill just snap out of it in an instant. Amazing things have happened in my life. But sometimes when i get out and look at myself from the outside, it seems like that person in front hardly seems to have noticed. I dont like this too much. But as i say this too, its a blur. Im not on smack, neither on any other abuse. I have cut smoking. Drink beer mostly to feel better. Today as I played on stage, i saw my friends, if i could call them, some i love, some i admire, some i hate; they all sat together in sequence. Looking at them cheer made me ask for forgiveness from the almighty. I have a lot of people in my life who i dont like. Thats the way it is. But when some of those people have that glow in their eyes to see you on stage, you feel like slapping urself on your face. Maybe they fake it, thats my biggest fear, actually i know they fake it for the longest time. Why? Leave that aside. But even for the rest of the short time they loved me, It felt good. I was singing my lines, playing my runs, and these aspects of life flashed like the bulbs which were flashing from the front row, and by the time i reached home, these flashes turned into a train which never stopped. I think its minor deceit and lack of character from some( a lot of) people who i thought has tremendous potential has led to this. At this moment i hope this goes away and i mature to find healthy relationships which i cherish in the present and not in the future when they go away or transform into something else. At this moment i'd like to tell you that i never had a best friend and am currently having a slight problem adjusting myself to the attitude of my roommate who is amongst the first friends i ever had and i know him for almost 17 years. Wish i were like calvin. Oooph! these wishes.